oh so exotic

Last night, I was chatting with a friend about music, and he mentioned how he thought M.I.A. and the lead singer from CSS ("Music is My Hot Hot Sex" from that 2007 iPod commercial) were similar. I asked how - I love M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" but that iPod commercial usually prompted me to either hit the mute button or brush my teeth, depending on the time of day - and he said they were both exotic female singers. A quick Wikipedia check showed me that one was Indian and the other was half-Japanese.

Being a second-generation Indian born and raised in Northern California, neither sounded all that exotic to me. But it happens all the time. I can't tell you the number of times I've been at a bar and some guy has excitedly said to me, "Are you Indian? I studied there for a year," or "I have an Indian friend," or something along those lines. And I never know how to react. I mean, really? Am I supposed to be impressed by that? Does it make it more likely that you'll make friends with another one, such as me? (Is friendship what you're really looking for, anyway?) Now if you said you had a movie star friend, you might have my attention. Don't get me wrong, I've read the Game, I know you're trying to make a connection, and I appreciate that. But a simple "hi" will do. This sort of thing is actually a turnoff.

It happens in other situations as well. Several years ago, I went to a picnic with my mom and little sister. We didn't really know anyone, and being at that funny early teenage age where we were too old to run around with the kids, my sister and I got roped into awkward small talk with a (well-intentioned, I'm sure) lady there. It ended up being half an hour of awed questions about our ethnicity peppered with random facts from her old history books. Like the bar guys, I'm sure she meant well and was just trying to be friendly, but there was plenty more to talk about. My sister and I are not boring people, and whatever happened to the old standby, "So what grade are you in?", anyway?

And it can have stronger consequences than annoying a potential new acquaintance. A friend of mine was dumped a few months back by a guy for whom, she was convinced, she was "his wild Asian oat." That theory hadn't occurred to me - I was more inclined to simply call him an all-around jerk, out of loyalty - but it made me wonder. If it was true, how far can the novelty of being exotic go? How far should it go? What happens when it wears off?

And what are the morals of this sort of novelty, anyway? I have to admit that I consciously seek out friends who are different from me; the novelty of their experiences, personality, and hobbies makes them interesting. Is my choosing them for those criteria any different than their choosing me for my ethnicity? In short, are there more and less appropriate reasons for choosing a friend, or do the ends justify the means?